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LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) – Predictable, cutesy and nowhere near hot-blooded enough for a story about two friends with benefits who can’t keep their hands off one another, �No Strings Attached� just barely squeaks by due to its larky depiction of the management of a sex-by-appointment relationship.

Awakening from his bender naked in the apartment Emma shares with three sitcom-ready roommates, Adam takes advantage of his natural state by finally getting it on with this no-nonsense young lady, who soon proposes they regularly meet for sex but nothing more

In the sort of blandly mainstream romantic comedy she has generally avoided, Natalie Portman works overtime to keep the leaky ship afloat, but Ashton Kutcher can’t be budged out of puppy dog mode. Date and girls’ night out appeal is sufficient for Paramount to anticipate decent mid-winter box-office returns for this rosy-cheeked (and occasionally exposed-cheeked) R-rated romp.

Returning from the longest hiatus of his career (his last feature was the unheroic �My Super Ex-Girlfriend,� five years ago), director Ivan Reitman’s technique looks a little rusty, especially in the early-going, as it’s clunkily established that Emma (Portman) and Adam (Kutcher) have been potential bedbuds ever since he made an unseemly pubescent proposition 15 years earlier.

Grown-up now in Los Angeles, Emma is a d is a writer on a �Glee�-like TV show who, in a grossly overdone interlude, drinks himself senseless upon learning that his vapid girlfriend has taken up with his much-married dad, former TV star Alvin (Kevin Kline). (mais…)

• Wednesday: 0 Consumption.
• Thursday: 2 and out. So far so good. Tough week at work helping.
• Saturday: Um. Two beers goes really, really fast. Drinks after work. Had 2 and made excuse to leave. Did not go back out that night. Luckily had no additional booze in house or likely imbibing. Thanks Sony, for such an excellent product in the PS2 and thanks Cinemax for Skinemax. Oh yes, I went there so I wouldn’t go there.
• Saturday: FAILURE . Woke up just itching to have a beer but hung on until 9 PM. 1 beer barely made it through pre-game (4 out of 5 guys showed up with at least 6-packs and most with 12 packs they did not even bother to put into the refrigerator – yep, rather just have the box there and drink em fast enough they don’t get cold. It’s like THAT if you are wondering why I need to keep this blog in the first place. And that was an easy night). Held off on second drink until bar. Asked bartender for largest, most alcoholic drink he is allowed to make by law since “drink” was left undefined for this attempt. Wound up with some sort of corrosive chemical reaction in red that was eating through the (24-ounce) pilsner glass. Based on size and price probably had at least 6 shots of various liquors in it. Still in the safe “2 drink zone”? FAILURE? Reasonable minds can differ [note: I say I failed after the first 3 sips – the bartender said: “um, this isn’t just for you right? Because you could die.” Upon hearing this, 3 of the animals I was with then ordered one]. Nursed for over an hour. Del.cic.ous. By this point likely Drunk to 7. Sense (common, of time of any kind) shot. Decide to negate first beer (it was light! 12 oz!) and allow for more mindbeding satanic fluid. (mais…)

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